Right Fashions

In the news today are two related topics for the diet conscious among us. First the terrifying Eggo waffle shortage which has fat people and thin people up in arms, and secondly the naughty Biggest Loser romance which has fat people literally in arms.

If only we could always diet so easily. Read about the Biggest Loser romance below, and join us in a candlelight vigil to solve the world waffle shortage problem. All humanity depends on it.

Fat people having sex burns far more calories than fit people romping in the hay. The Biggest Loser romance between Rebecca Meyer and Daniel Wright packs more pound per pound animalistic action than Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold ever mustered in the sack. Oh my how the apartment complex shook on those cold winter nights.

She revealed the romance to the tabloids long after the two contestants departed the show. A large fire was kindled on the reality program, stoked by the flames of competition like s’mores on a stick. Good for them. Good for humanity. Read the story and weep for joy.

But I can relate far more to the waffle shortage which is gripping the nation. A nationwide shortage of Leggo My Eggo waffles was announced by the company because of work stoppages in two of their famous waffle manufacturing plants. Read the story and weep tears of sorrow.

Whatever the waffle union wants pay them. They deserve it. Frozen waffles keep a girl company like a boytoy never could. They keep me warm in the morning and never pretend they are right. I can swallow without having to pretend I like it. Waffle shortage my ass!

These contemporary diets for fat people are a mixed bag. The Biggest Loser romance clearly works well for them. But the waffle shortage sucks. Your thoughts?